I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
