First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
