I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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