dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
