Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
