do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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