remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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