I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
