I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
