I should be sponsored by Trojan
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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