were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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