i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
