Will you blow on my dice?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
