Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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