Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
