It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
