The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize