I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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