So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm getting married
To pizza
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
