based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
A bitchslap is in order.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
