sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
