weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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