Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
