Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
