i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
