I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
