Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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