just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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