I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
