She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
