I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
