I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
