how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
