where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
