Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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