oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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