I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
