I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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