i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so much tequila, so little girl.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
