Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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