3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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