Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
