I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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