For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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