they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
