Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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