whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
