You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize