Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
