I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
