You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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