life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
