Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
