I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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