my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
