Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate all girls vehemently.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
