If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
