idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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