38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
