just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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