Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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