She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
