Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm bleeding and have questions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
