No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
