so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
