Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
