there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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