well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
