he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
