I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
