I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
