Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
