I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
