i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
