Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
