I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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