Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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