He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
